Resilience training
Some parents want children to live in a cocoon of contentment (a virtual womb), but this only increases their vulnerability. Parents can't always protect their children from danger, so it's pointless providing a protected school environment without offering training in the 'jungle' rules. Children need to learn how to protect themselves from mean, difficult people wherever they are.
• Show your child(ren) that although bad things happen to nice people, it's how they cope, survive and move on that builds their emotional and social resilience.
• Encourage them to use assertive, not aggressive or passive, skills to confront, retort and negotiate at home and school.
• Remind them of the 'Old Choo Choo' train - it went, 'I think I can, I think I can', and so on. Explain how they have nothing to lose, as the situation can't get much worse. 'What is the worst thing that could happen if you try out an idea and it doesn't work?'
• Give them the courage to do things differently.
• Re-frame and offer encouragement if they experience failure, e.g. 'Better luck next time', 'Good on you for trying' or 'This works for me, do you want to give it a go?'
• Create a positive future: 'What would happen if you played with another group of kids who aren't nasty?' or 'Once you retort, don't be surprised if no-one bullies you and kids want to be your friend!'
• Enrol them in a martial-arts programme to learn confidence and self-protective skills.
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